If you've never been in the position, you couldn't imagine what it entails. I know because I'm new to this situation and before I became a single mom, I had NO idea what it was all about. Before i really get in to the meat of this post, let me offer my regrets for last night's post. I meant to write it, i just meant to write it a lot better and with much more detail and many more points. Why didn't I, you ask? I'll explain.
My day begins around 5:30AM;I get myself ready for work while hoping my now 7month old son stays asleep until I'm ready to wake him up. Sometimes he does, a lot of times he wakes up while I'm rushing around and DEMANDS my attention. This slows me down, but what kind of mother would I be to ignore him? Once I'm dressed and the car is loaded up, I change and feed Sevryn (my son), then rush out to drop him off at my mom's (or other respective sitter for the day). I drive about 70 miles to work, work a 9 hour day, drive 70 miles home,pick up my son,and try to spend a little quality time with him before its time to get ready for the next day.
Yesterday I had a particularly busy day at work and when I got home, I was exhausted. Despite being ready for bed when i got home at 6:30 PM, I grabbed Sevryn, parked my car downtown and took my son for an hour long walk. When that was over, we jumped back in the car and headed to Wal-Mart on a baby food and formula run. All the time, I knew I had a blog post to write and had every intention of giving it my all. I thought when we got home Sevryn would be asleep or at least ready to go. WRONG; he was a live wire. So we went through our nightly routine...bath, playtime,bottle, quiet time. Problem is, when that was over, he was still awake. So, I attempted to write my post while he sat beside me on the couch. However, he planned to entertain himself by constantly kicking my right arm. Annoyed, frustrated, exhausted, and up hours past my bed time, I rushed through my blog post so the boy and I could call it a day. I was less than satisfied with what i published, mainly because i had been thinking about it all day and had so many points to make; bottom line, I let myself down. That's the life of a single mom.
I'm guessing that all responsible parents are on call 24/7/365, even when your child(ren) is in someone else's care. At least when you have a partner or a responsible co-parent, you get some type of relief. When you don't have that, you become overwhelmed and engulfed in responsibilities. If I'm not at work, I have my son. He's always close. I really don't mind most of the time, but I'm human. Don't get me wrong, I have an awesome support system, but what I don't have is help from his father. I don't have a custody agreement. I don't have every other weekend free, because Sevryn is with his other family. I don't have a child support order. I have a full time job, a ridiculous commute (which i will explain later), a seven month old, and a lot of dreams that I don't have the time or money to make a reality.
I wouldn't give my son back if i could. He's my reason for keeping on. he's my heart in human form. He's my handsome little everything. Would i appreciate some help from the other person responsible for producing him? OF COURSE, but I can't teach a grown man to handle his responsibilities; that was his mom's job. In my opinion, she failed terribly. Her son doesn't work, nor does he sit still long enough to keep our son while I work.When I found out that i make too much money to receive child care assistance in Kentucky, I spoke with my son's father about splitting the $500/month child care bill. He was unresponsive. So, I did what any responsible woman would do. I put in a notice at the apartment I was living in(which was 8 minutes from my job) and I moved back to my hometown, so that my family could help me. Now, I'm 70 miles away from the job I love, with a monstrous commute to make 10x a week.
People ask all the time why I don't find a job closer to home. I always want to reply "the same reason you don't mind your damn business.", but maturity, respect, and common sense stop me. Honestly, I haven't given up my job for several reasons. 1) because it's not just a job. Its my career. Its what i went to college for. 2)I like my job, I don't want a new one 3)I'm strong enough to do this 4) I've already given up my late nights, free weekends, single living, freedom, travel time, extra money, and plenty more. Where does it say that I have to give up every part of the life I've known and grew accustomed to and fond of just because I had a baby?
I love motherhood, I know I'm making it seem like a nightmare, but there really is nothing like it. I can't imagine my life without my son now. I often wonder what my purpose was before him, because now 95% of what i do now is about or for him.I live to make sure that little boy is happy and healthy.If I could change some things about my situation, I most definitely would, but Sevryn wouldn't be one of them.
Financially, being a single mom is inexplicable. I couldn't imagine having more than one child in this situation. I know a great deal of women who do and my hat goes off to them. I know i made this post about me, but that's because I can only speak on what i know; and i know my situation. I live it every day. But this is about so much more. It's about men and women who create life and walk away from it. It's about the deterioration of marriage in our country. It's about wearing oneself too thin, just to get by. It's a problem that will unfortunately, never have a solution.
LyfeBytes
