A Heart to Cheat

I've started this post about six times; It's had four titles and I've tried to write it from three different angles. I'm not sure that there's anyway to say what I want to say, without stepping on toes, hurting feelings, or making anyone feel singled out; except not to write it. That's not an option I can live with.  There's something on my heart and mind, and I want to express it. I've blogged about cheating before; but that was different than what I will touch on today. What's on my mind today are just things that I noticed that stand out in my mind. So, I'm playing Devil's Advocate a little with this one, I guess.

If you have ever read Steve Harvey's book  Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man you know that he states that men cheat for one reason, while women may cheat for a variety of reasons. Women cheat because something is lacking in their relationship. That could be satisfactory sex, an emotional connection or bond of some sort, excitement, etc. Women also commonly cheat to seek revenge; that could be on a friend or loved one or on  a cheating spouse or lover. There are probably plenty more reasons. The one reason Mr. Harvey says that men cheat, is because there is always a woman willing to cheat with him. PERIOD!  I agree with this! There is always a woman with a justifiable (in her mind) excuse and the willingness to keep his secret. I'm not judging anyone, because it's not my place. For one, I'm learning that its not necessary for me to feel any certain way about anyone else's situation. Secondly, I don't know your life and it's none of my business why you make the choices you make. Finally,  I've done my share of dirt and if I look closely enough, I could probably still find some under my nails ;-).

There are just some things about cheating that grind my gears.

• Don't forget who made the commitment to you. All too often men and women who have been cheated on have all sorts of things to say about the third party that entered into their relationship. "oh she's  a slut." "these hoes are dumb. I'm number one in his life." " females are so disrespectful" BLAH BLAH BLAH. I'm not sure that this happens often with men, but women are so quick to blame the other woman, as if she was the only one who did any wrong. If I'm not mistaken, your commitment was to the man, NOT the other woman. She doesn't owe you anything, including respect. She doesn't have to be honest with you. She doesn't have to turn down a man's advances, she doesn't owe you anything. I've been a woman for a little over 29 years and I don't recall signing any documents stating the Code of Womanhood. You may want to believe that every woman is going to respect you and your relationship, but consider this; If your man doesn't respect your relationship, why would an outsider? Seriously, think about it.  Why is the female the disrespectful one? Why does she have to fight you? Why do you attempt to belittle her and call her names, all the while you're still madly in love with the cheater? The one who lied to you, disrespected you, and broke his promises.  *** Just a little food for thought, because maybe you hadn't thought about that part, yet.
• Do your business and get out. This point is mostly for the fellas and for lack of a classier way to word it, I'm going to put it in simple terms and hope that my language is excused. If you must cheat, get your nut and go home! Don't try to make it more than it is. If you have an emotional connection at home, but you cheated out of boredom or for no reason at all don't pull the next person into your mind games. Don't try to make it into a relationship. There is no need for pillow talk and empty promises! Don't get emotional. Don't make the third wheel feel like a factor. If you're cheating out of sheer boredom, keep the connection physical. Making it any deeper, is only going to cause pain for SOMEONE and problems for you.
• All the things that you accept will be the things that you regret. He stayed out a little later than he probably should have. No big deal, you forgave him.
  He's been texting another female. You're a little hurt, but you forgave him.
  You caught them in a restaurant together. He's in hot water for a couple weeks, but you'll forgive him.  This list will grow and grow and you will accept and accept. I'm not saying dispose of a man or woman every time your feelings get hurt; that's not logical. What I am saying is that if you don't respect yourself and hold yourself to a certain standard, no one is going to. If you allow your man or woman to cheat { and by allow, I mean you know what is going on and you excuse it or make excuses for it}, he or she is going to get accustomed to lying to and deceiving you. Respect is no longer a requirement for your love. He/she is permitted to treat you any kind of way, and you won't leave or even react after a while. If you demand respect consistently, I believe that you will get it. It may not happen right away, but people will eventually learn that you mean business. You aren't taking anything from anybody. It will SHOW that you require and demand respect and that you know your worth and aren't settling for less. Otherwise, all you're showing is that you have partner who does right sometime and that's alright with you.
• You lose them how you get them. I'm a firm believer in this saying. If someone intentionally gains access to a person's heart while that person is in a relationship, it's a wrap. Relationships stemming from or built on sabotage, are threatened from the start. The foundation is messy. Karma is real! There will always be another you! What I mean when I say that is that, you may become the new NUMBER ONE; but the door will always be open for your mate to have a #2, #3, so on. If they cheated with you, chances are they'll cheat on you. What would make you different/special? Don't aim to be #1...WORK TO BE THE ONLY ONE!!!!

And, that folks is my spill on the cheating heart :-). As always, feedback is not only welcome, but encouraged. Until next time....Peace & Blessings
~XOXO,
LyfeBytes