It's an HONOR, not an OBLIGATION

Don't be confused by the title of this post. It is not meant to say that parents aren't obligated to care for their children. What I mean by the title, is that as parents, you should feel honored to raise your children, not obligated. I can name 20 successful, responsible people that I know personally, that would love to be parents, but have not been blessed with a child yet. I can name 200 women and men who have had children by other men & women who refuse to take care of the children they made. I'm not sure I can name 15 children that have both parents active & present in their lives right now. It's sad, to put it lightly. EVERY CHILD deserves to be able to see and talk to BOTH their parents when they need or want to. Unfortunately, most of the children I know, cannot.  This is in no way a man bashing post; it can't be because two of my very good male friends are single fathers. This post is about handling your responsibilities and honoring that which God has blessed you with. Despite the expenses, the late nights, messes, lack of sleep, inconveniences that are out of your control, etc; children are blessings. They bring joy, laughter, and purpose to the lives they touch. The problem I'm having is with the [absent] parents who aren't touched by their children at all.

Honestly, once I became of age to become a mother, I didn't care one way or the other if I ever had kids. I thought it would be an awesome experience if I  did, but not something I would ever try for. It's not that I didn't want kids, I just wasn't sure I wanted kids bad enough to actually try to get pregnant. It's a gigantic responsibility that I don't know if you can ever actually be ready to take on. However, that doesn't give anyone the right to run from the responsibility if/when it happens. My situation was 10,000 miles from 1/2 way to perfect when I found out I was expecting. I was embarrassed and a little ashamed, because there was only me...no us. I welcomed my child's father into my life and encouraged him constantly to make the changes necessary to stay in our lives. He didn't try. I have never buckled or backed down from my responsibility as a mother. No one had to remind me to eat right, take vitamins, or go to the doctor while I was pregnant; but I did it. He was continuously reminded of when i had to go to the doctor, what I needed for myself and our son, etc, yet he still failed. My situation is not a rare one; once details become involved, it differs from other peoples' situations some, but the bottom line is that I was left alone to raise a child.

My son's father never made a real effort to be in my son's life, especially after I decided to stop pushing and begging for it. I know plenty of men and women who have lived in the house with their children, then decide  they're over it. They don't want to parent anymore. Sometimes it happens due to the parents splitting up. Sometimes it happens when new partners come into the picture. Sometimes it's unexpected and unexplained; but it's ALWAYS painful and unfair to the child(ren) and the parent left to pick up the pieces. You  can't put a dollar amount on love and care for a child. Child support doesn't cover the sick time that the present parent  has to take off from work because the child can't go to school or daycare. Child support doesn't account for the tears the present parent sheds at the end of the day, because he or she is so tired that's all they can do. Child support might not be enough to make up for the gas spent to take the kids to day care, to a friend's house, to birthday parties, activities, etc. Child support may not cover little rewards or daily extras your child deserves or needs for whatever reason. The present parent doesn't get to take any amount of money, set it aside and say "this is all you get this week or this month". The absent parent has that luxury. In many cases, some absent parents send their child support and still do extra for their child(ren). In too many, unfortunate cases, the absent parent does NOTHING.

I can't wrap my head around how any man or woman can wake up one day and say "I don't want my kids anymore."  I don't understand how any man or woman can make a child, then move about  life without providing for or checking on them. There is a serious disconnect between the brain and the heart when that happens. It doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing, my son is on my mind. I can't understand how anyone can leave their kids behind and just act like they don't exist.  I will say, that in a strange way abandonment by one parent can be a compliment to the other parent. It's almost like saying "unlike myself, I know that you have what it takes to give this child/ these children what they need without my help". That doesn't make it easier or better, but I'm finding my ways to pick any morsel of logic or rationale from this madness that has been become such a pitiful epidemic in our society.

Growing up, all my friends except 1 had a mother and father in the home. I was like my one other friend. My dad was not in my home, but he still did his part to take care of me. My other friend had no contact with his absent parent. We are grown now and view relationships differently from my friends who had a father at home. We differ from each other some too, I think because I did at least have my father within an arm's reach, while he was never offered the chance to build a relationship with his father. Having only one parent has to be difficult. I am closer to one parent than to the other, but i know that in my times of joy and sorrow, they are both there for me. I can't imagine only having one of them to pull for me. So many children in this day and age are going to grow up with that pain and difficulty, because one or both of their parents isn't doing what needs to be done. Children NEED to be directed, cherished,  and loved. You don't HAVE to teach a child anything, they learn naturally; however, what they learn is left to the present parent or guardian. That's where direction comes into play. A child will learn without help from anyone, but the help is mandatory in order to make sure they are learning the right things and the right ways. It eats me up inside to think that there are grown people out here who are willing to basically throw their own children to the wolves, to keep from inconveniencing themselves. It's sad. It's scary. We have got to do better!

Peace & Blessings

~XOXO, 

LyfeBytes