Girlfriend/ Boyfriend #2????

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack! :-)

OK, so last night I was talking with a male friend about cheating and my gears started turning. This somewhat recent epidemic of perfectly well men and women settling for #2 is so disturbing to me. The details vary from situation to situation and even from sex to sex; however, any way you slice it, two people are being cheated. The faithful party in the original relationship is obviously being cheated out of time and love from his or her partner. The third wheel in the relationship is cheating him or herself out of what is truly deserved- a monogamous partner and REAL chance at love.

I personally know about 14 females (about 7-8 different relationships) where 2 or more women are KNOWINGLY sharing a man. I only know of 1 man that that is KNOWINGLY sharing a woman with another man for more than sexual pleasure. In the situations I speak of, it's NOT just about sex. There are feelings involved, there is history between them, these are ongoing situations. These are situations where the involved parties have confronted each other and are WELL AWARE that they're mates are not faithful. These women and that man are somewhat content with the situation they have gotten themselves into. I say that they are content because, if they weren't, they would leave...right? There's no age limit. These are not just young men who aren't sure of what they want. This happens ALL over the board. In fact, I think it's more prevalent in older, married couples. If you are not being fulfilled, why stay and make your situation more uncomfortable?

I know it's not that easy to pick up and leave a situation that you have been in for years or have become accustomed to, but at what point did you deem yourself unworthy of a faithful partner? At what point do you accept being #1 instead of THE ONLY ONE? When does it become acceptable to let someone else's man or woman become a part of your love life and actually give them a piece of your heart? How do function throughout the day when you're never sure where your man or woman is, because you're at work or school or out with friends? How many nights can you accept going out with your man or woman but coming back home alone, because he's gone home or to his other life? How do you trust someone who has repeatedly wronged you AND thrown it in your face? WHY do you accept it? Do you think you will ever be the only one?

These are all questions that I would love to ask any of the people I know in one of these taxing situations, but I don't. Why? Because it's none of my business. And I hope that I will never be in such situation so I don't find it necessary to get details on how to handle myself in such situations. I guess I'm just interested in knowing how a person can live with that on their heart. I want to know how a man can break a woman's heart that he has made a life with and loves. I want to know how a woman can consider herself a lady or any type of classy while she's stepping outside her home on her man. I want to be made to understand how the third comes to believe that he or she isn't wrong when a home and a relationship is at stake because of his or her mere presence. 

There is so much to be said about cheating in general, but I'm not going to go into all that because that's not my focus. My focus is on the cheater who makes the 3rd party feel relevant. The cheater who attempts to build a double life and is successful! A lot of things come to mind when I explore this topic (because I honestly don't understand it). I have always heard "You lose them how you get them"; meaning that if you break up a home in order to build your own, the same will happen to you in time. Your relationship is doomed from jump street, if you built it on someone else's foundation. I believe this to be true. I've seen it happen. Besides, if someone will cheat WITH you please believe the likelihood that they will cheat ON you is OUTSTANDING.

I'm not in the clear here. I've done my share of dirt in the past- I'm not innocent; but I learned and grew up. I moved on. I made myself better. I only actually cheated ON one person. The situation was very sticky to put it lightly, but i did it for a few months. My conscience caught up to me quickly and I ended the relationship, because my partner was too good for what I was doing behind his back. I couldn't let it continue and still respect myself, because there was nothing right about what was going on.
I've also KNOWINGLY been the 3rd party a time or two in my younger days. I kicked it with a guy in college. I was 19, he was 31. I kept hearing that he was married. I would confront him, he would deny it.
I don't like the feeling of being out of the loop op not knowing what is going on, so I ended it because of the possibility of him having a wife. I found out later that he did in fact have a wife and a few children he forgot to mention.

Shortly after graduating from college and moving to a new city, I met a man that I was very fond of. He treated me well. He took me out often, he was attentive to my needs, and if I wasn't at work or out of town, I was in his arms. One morning at about 5, i received a text from his wife on his phone. She informed me that he was married, with 3 kids, and there were no signs of a divorce in the foreseeable future. I advised her to delete my number from his phone and let him know that we had spoken. Later that day she called me from her own number and gave me some background on their situation. She was nice and respectful to me. Our interactions were calm and civilized. I  was angry with him for lying to me and I knew I had to remove myself from the situation. 

After being somewhat on both sides of the situation and getting some insight into that life, the questions above STILL remain; why stay and accept less than what you're worth. If you're selling something for $500 and you're firm on the price, you wouldn't let anyone walk away with it after giving you $25, So why are you selling your heart and yourself short?? You're worth it....aren't you?


Below is the link to a song I enjoy for entertainment purposes, but is terrible morally.

http://youtu.be/0x6z9azG5Pg


As always, your feedback is not only welcome, but encouraged.

XOXO,

LyfeBytes